August 11, 2016 | No comments yet | Holiday/Seasonal, Humor, Me Time

14 Thoughts I Have Watching the Rio 2016 Olympics

This article originally appeared on the Huffington Post.

I’m loving the Olympics in Rio. Here are some thoughts I’ve had while joining the rest of America in our favorite pastime, watching television.

  1. I should be DVRing this. Could I record NBC’s coverage and then avoid looking at the internet for a full day and then watch the Olympics one night behind the rest of the world? Haven’t we evolved enough as a species to have eliminated the torture of watching live television with commercials?
  2. When did binge watching four hours of television per night for two straight weeks become not only acceptable, but our patriotic duty?
  3. There’s a whole channel dedicated to soccer so why is soccer on the main NBC channel? Get it together NBC.
  4. When did swimming become more popular than gymnastics?
  5. Seriously, more swimming? How about a human interest story? Medal count? Piece about Brazil and/or the rainforest? How about the synchronized springboard? I’ll take some diving.
  6. Why does my daughter keep calling the gymnasts ballerinas? Our ladies kicked some serious ass. U-S-A. U-S-A.
  7. My son just said he wasn’t interested in that swim race because it didn’t have any Americans in it. They pick up on this patriotism thing at a pretty young age.
  8. Found the diving. My daughter would like to be an Olympic diver but only because of the hot tub action. (Side discussion about the age my children will be allowed into a hot tub.)
  9. Those are some seriously small speedos. I wouldn’t mind a little wardrobe malfunction at this moment. I wonder if I can think that? Are these guys over 18 or am I a pervert? Oh my god, he’s only 16! They are so clean looking without all that hair. I think I have more hair than that. Even in the summer. I should really shave.
  10. Oh, we’ve had a small break in action at the pool according to Bob Costa. Only because of that do we get to see some women’s beach volleyball. Those swimsuits are also tiny. Well done, ladies. They have like three kids each. I think the bottoms would cover up my left bicep. Maybe partially.
  11. Back to the pool. Damn it. Is Michael Phelps going to stare down that South African guy? Is that announcer going to stalk Michael to and from the changing room. He is way excited. It’s only a semifinal, calm down.
  12. And now it’s well past 11PM and I realize why I’m having a difficult time waking up in the morning. I also missed my window of time to have sex with my husband. Maybe after just one more swimming race, I’ll put on my moisturizer.
  13. Who is that NFL reporter interviewing the swimmers after the races? She’s terrible. I know that Michael Phelps is there, but acknowledge the other members of a 4-person relay, please. My four-year-old could come up with some better questions than her.
  14. Each night Ryan Seacrest’s outfit is getting more and more casual on the beach. So glad that he’s finally relaxing a little. Maybe he’s getting massages with the men’s basketball team at that spa (brothel). Maybe by closing ceremonies, he’ll be in one of those speedos. Not sure if I want to see that.

Carissa Howard, www.shoppingfortime.com

 

 

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