September 16, 2015 | 5 comments | Humor, Kid Time, Me Time, Parenting Advice

The Craziest Thing we Do for Our Kids

I took my two preschoolers to a play date a few months ago where the host served baby carrots cut length-wise. Yes, she cut the larger ones length-wise into skinnier, smaller-in-diameter, easier-to-eat baby carrots. What a thoughtful mother, I had thought to myself at the time once I saw my three-year-old daughter eat a handful of them.

My lunchtimes haven’t been the same since.

This mother has single handily taken the easiness and fun out of pre-sized, pre-washed, open-the-bag-and-serve-a-handful-to your-kid baby carrots. They’re already easy and bite-sized! That’s why mothers around the country buy them. You don’t have to wash, peel, or cut. They even have lunch pack sized bags. But now, now, after my daughter has seen the other side, she won’t eat a whole baby carrot ever again.

The next time that I gave her a handful of baby carrots at lunch after this ill-fated play date, she turned her nose up at me, stamped her not-so-little feet (poor girl has big feet like me), and screamed, “No! These carrots aren’t flat. I want flat carrots.” She’d the nerve to ask for them to be flat. FLAT!

So, ignoring my son who was asking to watch television with lunch, and who doesn’t eat carrots in any form, I got up from the table, traipsed back to the sink, pulled out my knife and cutting board and cut her eight baby carrots into sixteen length-wise pieces.

She ate them. I naively smiled victoriously at another meal-time disaster avoided.

And, then, the next time I wanted her to eat them with lunch, I didn’t even bother to serve them to her whole. I simply cut them lengthwise to avoid the outburst before I gave them to her. What a sap I am, I’d thought as I was cutting. Now I have to clean my cutting board every time I give baby carrots to my three-year-old. I should really send it over to that mother who introduced my innocent, unsuspecting child into a skinny-carrot-demanding monster to her house after every lunch for a wash. Too dramatic, I’d told myself. Relax.

After the first three carrots were cut, I pulled out one of those really big, fat, thick baby carrots from the bag. Like the mother of all the other baby ones. I didn’t know what to do with it. Once I had cut it into halves, it still was bigger than the other ones, so, I cut it into fourths. Fourths! I knew that I was descending a slippery slope, indeed. Setting precedent for all the super-fat ones to be quartered.

This time, my daughter only ate about half of the baby carrots that I had lovingly (begrudgingly) sliced for her in her bowl. She said that her tummy was full. In her mind, she had eaten eight baby carrots, like she always did, but she in fact had only eaten two really fat baby carrots due to the slicing. Oh my. This will simply not do. So, not only has my lunchtime preparation been alarmingly increased, now my daughter won’t eat as many carrots as she did before. Frustrated, I’d pulled out the ranch dressing that I save for myself and husband, dumped some into the bowl, and ate the rest of the sliced carrots myself. Carbs be damned. (Don’t you hate how something as un-tasty as carrots can have so many calories, plus the added calories and fat of the ranch dressing needed to actually consume them).

A few weeks later, as I was preparing the veggie tray for a party at my house, I instinctively begin to half the damn baby carrots length-wise and then stopped. What am I doing? I’d thought. I’m going to ruin other children on these skinny baby carrots, just like my daughter had been ruined at that play date. Their mothers are going to hate me once their children never eat a whole baby carrot ever again. They’ll be able to track their children’s protests to whole baby carrots back to my party, just as I’d been able to determine the source of my daughter’s refusal.

Maybe this is how we all started halving the grapes that we give to our children. Some mother did it at a play date once, then we other mothers’ jumped on board just because we thought it was the socially correct thing to do, then some doctors condoned it with by saying it reduced choking incidents. That’s when it really stuck – once the doctors say you have to do it to prevent injury. No one wants to perform the Heimlich maneuver at mealtime.

To slice or not to slice? I’d laughed at this ridiculous mommy dilemma. I’d checked my guest list. Twenty children were due to arrive within the hour. I’m going to ruin all of them. My cutting board was already dirty. I’d smiled wickedly and kept slicing, paying it forward.

 

Hope you enjoyed this latest in the funny mommy blog series!

 

TAGS: , , , , , , ,


5 Comments

  1. Marie

    September 16, 2015 4:50 pm

    You’ve ruined me!!!

  2. Tony T.

    September 17, 2015 12:19 am

    Funny stuff right there!

  3. Carissa Howard

    September 17, 2015 1:52 pm

    Thank you guys! tried to be realistic, ha!

  4. Carissa Howard

    September 18, 2015 4:06 pm

    Just another crazy thing that we do for our kids!

  5. Alpatu Aslakhanov

    February 7, 2016 4:40 pm

    Well thanks for posting such an outstanding idea. I like this blog & I like the topic and thinking of making it right. http://awriter.org/

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *